Author Topic: The Terrible Advice Thread! (Read 115231 times)

lychee-twist · « **on:** April 25, 2011, 09:57:58 pm »

Alright, inspired by /rbadadvice, I've decided to start a thread where we post problems, and the goal is to give THE WORST ADVICE to "fix" the problem. Just, of course, don't take the advice. It would end up terribly.

Example: "My head hurts. What should I do?"
"Electric screwdriver and a four inch drill bit on high worked for me"

No go! Have fun with it!

I'll start:
I really, really have a huge craving to buy new skirts, but I'm short on cash. What should I do?

EveofAbyss · « **Reply #1 on:** April 25, 2011, 11:16:44 pm »

^ Buying skirts is overrated. Just duct tape 4-7 ferrets together and you should be just fine, with a very lively and homemade piece of uber-chic apparel!

Problem: My knees are sore and feel like they may explode.

lychee-twist · « **Reply #2 on:** April 25, 2011, 11:25:14 pm »

The best thing to do with that is to get a hot and cold pack on them to help with swelling and pain. If you don't have one of those, just stick a cookie sheet into the oven at 400 degrees, and when it's to temp, pull it out and put it on your knees, pressing it good and hard with your bare hands. After a minute of that, alternate it to a quick dunk of liquid nitrogen. Repeat until cookie sheet is cooled and the Liquid nitrogen returns to gaseous state.

It's what the MLB players do. Absolutely. o.o

Where should I go camping?

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #3 on:** April 26, 2011, 10:52:20 am »

in the back woods somewhere where there are some really creepy hicks looking at you like they are ready to say hi but you think otherwise.

I have cramps what do I do?

jaybug · « **Reply #4 on:** April 26, 2011, 04:54:19 pm »

Down a bottle of muscle relaxers. Worked for Brett Favre.

( I think Lychee should go camping where she can hear deulling banjos playing.)

My work place is run like a headless chicken done by committee. What should I do to fix it?

lychee-twist · « **Reply #5 on:** April 27, 2011, 10:22:28 pm »

(Hahaha! Deliverance was filmed in Georgia, and that's my homework for three months so it fits!)

Well, if your work place is bugging you, obviously the solution is to wait a little while. In the meantime gather up a tube sock, a tub of vaseline, and a chicken mask with a cape, then, once everything is together, get ready.

You know what to do.

jaybug · « **Reply #6 on:** April 28, 2011, 06:16:56 pm »

My cousin Heidi was a stunt woman in that film. She says Burt Reynolds is short. BUt then she is as tall as I, 6'.

You forgot to post a dilemma. So I make one for you.

So you think you know what to do. Well, I hate to break it to you, but everything you know is wrong! I know you have been waiting for the electrician, or someone like him, but we are all Bozo's on this bus. Yes, full goose Bozo. Mamanu dog face with the banana patch. So to really get a jump on things, stay up until you have completely finished all episodes in a marathon watching session, watch Excel Saga. You may want to watch the subtitles, otherwise you will probably break your TV before you finish the first few episodes.

I have a plugged tear duct in my eye, and it's trying to swell my eye shut. My co-worker suggested I poke it clear with a needle. He didn't say if it should be sharp or not.

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #7 on:** May 23, 2011, 03:42:46 pm »

My advice is that you should soak your whole head in warm water for about an hour. That should clear it up just fine! Mind you, you can't just dunk in every few seconds; you have to stay underwater to let it soak for the full hour.

I have no money! What should I do to raise cash for cosplays?

DancingTofu · « **Reply #8 on:** May 25, 2011, 06:38:21 pm »

Go to an ATM, withdraw all the money, FREE MONEY FOR LIFE.

All I have to eat for the next week is flour, baking powder, and butter. What should I make for dinner?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #9 on:** May 25, 2011, 06:44:06 pm »

Just mix all the dry ingredients with half of the butter and bake one really big biscuit. Then butter the giant biscuit with the rest of said butter and use it as bait to catch a wild boar. All you have to do then is kill the wild boar with your bare hands and you'll have plenty of good meat in the larder to last you all winter!

I need to buy fuel for my jetpack, but it's too expensive and I don't want to have to end up selling said jetpack. What should I do?

DancingTofu · « **Reply #10 on:** May 25, 2011, 07:16:06 pm »

Start a jetpack taxi service

I have $20 in raw copper, but it's stuck on these little coins that are only worth about $14 collectively and full of zinc. What should I do?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #11 on:** May 25, 2011, 07:23:22 pm »

Just throw them all down the garbage disposal to chop them into managable pieces, then heat them in a skillet on medium low. The metals will seperate and you'll be able to skim off the copper scum that floats to the surface and sell it for 120% profits to tanning salons for people who want that sun-burnished glow.

When I make some costumes, I have to buy a lot of foam, but it's really annoying to work with now that my electric knife broke. What should I do to make foam working easier?

@random · « **Reply #12 on:** May 30, 2011, 02:57:41 am »

Use a chain saw instead. Just as safe, and much faster.

I have a bunch of housework to finish this weekend, but have only gotten a couple of things done. How do I get myself to work faster?

lychee-twist · « **Reply #13 on:** June 01, 2011, 08:55:38 am »

Get a very complicated handcuff with a lock requiring an equal amount of keys as the tasks that need done. Set up your house Saw style so you have to complete the task in order to get the key. Finally strap one end of the hand cuff to your ankle and the other to a bomb with a one hour wick. Light said bomb.

I didn't sleep at all last night (literally). When should I go to bed tonight?

chelseahavoc · « **Reply #14 on:** June 01, 2011, 11:49:46 am »

^dont go to bed at all! the late night awake ness will make the clowns under your bed more attracted to you so that when you die of exastian they can do what ever they want

both sides win in the end

im having a hard time with money how should i make more of it?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #15 on:** June 01, 2011, 12:44:16 pm »

Construct your own printing press in your basement and begin counterfeiting. You'll make plenty of money in no time at all!

There's this annoying person talking loudly on their cellphone and they won't shut up. What can I do to silence this infidel?

lychee-twist · « **Reply #16 on:** June 02, 2011, 12:12:56 am »

Hump their leg. Works every time.

I didn't get a wink of sleep last night since I procrastinated on my paper so badly. What should I do?

The_Geek · « **Reply #17 on:** June 03, 2011, 07:30:14 pm »

Continue procrastinating, of course! Nothing beats turning in a paper two months late.~

I'm going to France in nine days. Which kinds of clothing should I pack?

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #18 on:** June 03, 2011, 07:32:05 pm »

Only the pink frilly kind with lots of bows and skirts

I need to get rid of a depression hanging over me what do I do?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #19 on:** June 03, 2011, 07:46:00 pm »

Take a lawnmower and take out your angry on all innocent people around you...Lawnmower massacre

I CAN'T SAVE ANY MONEY!!! So I have nothing for cosplay!

StarryShay · « **Reply #20 on:** June 03, 2011, 08:17:18 pm »

No problem, who needs money for cosplay? Simply go into your kitchen, and begin finding foods that resemble your characters outfit, and tape them to your body.

I am sad, how can I make myself happy~?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #21 on:** June 03, 2011, 09:19:32 pm »

Do like I stated before, but this time blast Caramelldansen on a boom-box that has been duct taped to the Lawnmower
MY MOM IS WATCHING DARK SHADOWS! (The WORST soap opera that has ever been on T.V.)
HOW DO I SURVIVE!?!?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #22 on:** July 11, 2011, 09:52:48 am »

Watch it with her holding a tissue box at the ready and tape your eyes open so you can see every grueling moment. Or break the TV =D

Mom keeps trying to get me to take Ibprophen instead of my Vikes because she wants my Vikes for her headaches -_- But I need the Vikes for the pain from wisdom teeth removal. Ibprophen never helped me with anything.

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #23 on:** July 11, 2011, 09:58:41 am »

^ Shoot her. In the face. That'll end her headache AND you can have all of your vicodin.

V I hate it when my girlfriend plays WOW whenever I've visiting her instead of spending time with me. Thankfully, it's not an always thing, but when it does happen, it bothers me. What should I do?

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #24 on:** July 27, 2011, 07:09:46 pm »

< thought, 'omg... no one is willin' ta own up to anythin' fer this.. fine I'LL do MY OWN DEMISE!!!' Out loud I laugh as loud as I can at Wash.

^ beat her with her own head phones and tell her "NOT TILL AFTER I GET IT!" and then never tell her what "it" is.

V I think I might be preggers and don't know how to tell my Dad... HELP! XD

Black~Rose · « **Reply #25 on:** July 28, 2011, 03:45:11 am »

^ Call him a grandpa because you're pregnant and now he should feel old

V I still cant get to sleep, what should I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #26 on:** July 28, 2011, 07:07:17 am »

^ Spin around in circles.

V I think I might be getting an icky feeling in my stomach...

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #27 on:** July 28, 2011, 10:40:38 am »

Rip it out
Icky feelings aren't good and should be gotten rid of the quickest way possible

My back is killing me

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #28 on:** July 28, 2011, 11:55:29 pm »

Rip it out and then beat Washougal with it so that it gets his mind off of the icky feeling in his stomach. Two birds with one stone!!!

Beggers keep coming in my store to exchange change, how do I fix this?

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #29 on:** July 28, 2011, 11:57:12 pm »

Pull out a gun and tell them to leave.

I am homesick what do I do??

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #30 on:** July 29, 2011, 12:07:54 am »

Quote from: Jacob_Blackfeather on July 28, 2011, 11:57:12 pm

Pull out a gun and tell them to leave.

Hahahaha.... actually we just had an employee get fired because of something very much like that.... XD

Stop eating houses that are out of date, DUH SILLY!

My man refuses to wear undergarments without holes in them... what should I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #31 on:** July 29, 2011, 12:41:45 am »

Be a woman: take them off of him, wash them, then sew them up. (I'm gonna be hit for this one...)

The Boogeyman is threatening to eat my salad dressing.

Black~Rose · « **Reply #32 on:** July 29, 2011, 02:57:47 am »

^ Beat him with a stick and say "NO! Silly rabbit trix are for kids!!"

v I just yelled out the window at a drunk lady that was walking accross the street complaining about someone ugly.. I called her ugly. Now she wants to beat my ass. Although she did not know where I yelled from. What to do?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #33 on:** July 29, 2011, 11:35:20 am »

Wave a giant flag that say, "I'm here!" be kind and help her

I think I'm addicted to the computer
what shall I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #34 on:** July 29, 2011, 12:20:38 pm »

^ Light up, metaphorically speaking.

My back itches.

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #35 on:** July 31, 2011, 02:59:23 pm »

Go to the zoo and jump in the lions pit.

My boyfriend refuses to dance at dances... and I love to dance... How can I get him to dance with me?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #36 on:** July 31, 2011, 07:24:28 pm »

Put ants in his pants.

My friend is being a bitch.. what do I do?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #37 on:** July 31, 2011, 09:47:14 pm »

throw apples at her head until she is kind to you.

I'm hungry but I have no money, help?

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #38 on:** July 31, 2011, 10:40:14 pm »

Go mug the the homeless guy under the bridge.

I think someone may think I'm stalking them...what should I do?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #39 on:** August 01, 2011, 02:16:25 am »

Start stalking them so they know the difference

Just found out I'm being dissed behind my back, what to do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #40 on:** August 01, 2011, 09:38:28 am »

^ If you know who the culprit is, duct tape their head until the person looks like a metallic Q-Tip, then push them down a flight of stairs.

V I need to use the bathroom...

TurboSaiyanJason · « **Reply #41 on:** August 01, 2011, 11:01:34 am »

Take a shovel, find a patch of grass and dig, private!

My cosplays are few and humble, my pockets are small and empty, and the most epic of cons is closing in.

What course of action should I take, oh knowing master of ultimate advice?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #42 on:** August 01, 2011, 11:11:19 am »

^ wear a white garbage bag and paint your ears orange to be hamtaro!

My stove is on fire, what should I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #43 on:** August 01, 2011, 11:26:50 am »

^ Whip out the marshmallows.

V PayPal sucks! Everyone there is incompetent!

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #44 on:** August 01, 2011, 11:39:57 am »

^ just start robbing banks for money and give your stuff away for free

My pool has a leak, what to do..?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #45 on:** August 01, 2011, 11:45:05 am »

^ Duct tape. (I'm surprised this hasn't been brought up, yet).

V I'm out of duct tape.

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #46 on:** August 01, 2011, 11:49:36 am »

^ go rip some off the pool..

I bit my lip really hard, what should i do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #47 on:** August 01, 2011, 11:57:13 am »

^ Laugh; that's what I'm doing!

V I'm hungry.

Black~Rose · « **Reply #48 on:** August 01, 2011, 12:27:58 pm »

Proceed to the kitchen and nom on everything in sight.

my tummy hurts ><

@random · « **Reply #49 on:** August 01, 2011, 03:30:04 pm »

^ Whack yourself in the head repeatedly with something heavy. You'll have such a headache that you'll forget about your tummy in no time.

V I really want to lose weight by con, but I'm too lazy to exercise. What should I do?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #50 on:** August 01, 2011, 04:18:07 pm »

^Lay outside in a sweatsuit all day drinking water and eating celery only

I ripped my only pants, what to do?

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #51 on:** August 01, 2011, 04:22:25 pm »

Take them off and throw them at a passing cop.

I have a coworker who thinks theyre the s****. What should I do?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #52 on:** August 01, 2011, 04:37:22 pm »

^ Throw **** at them making them literally "the ****"

My hand fell asleep, what now?

Tanuki19 · « **Reply #53 on:** August 01, 2011, 04:53:18 pm »

^ play that game where you stab the knife between your fingers cause if you lose, you wont feel it!

v how should I go about making my Raichu tail?

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #54 on:** August 01, 2011, 08:31:58 pm »

Go find a car witht the decal and saw it off the car.

Crabby customers that are old who buy beer yell at me when I card them... how can I card them with out insult?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #55 on:** August 02, 2011, 03:47:24 pm »

^ Tell them "NO BEER!" and drink it in front of them, then they will be sad instead of insulted.

V eBay sucks!

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #56 on:** August 02, 2011, 10:36:51 pm »

^Buy ebay and make it your pawn to rule the world

I have the hiccups, help?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #57 on:** August 03, 2011, 12:31:43 am »

Bang head against door 3 times hard

My friend keeps stealing my photos on DA and FB and posting them to her DA

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #58 on:** August 03, 2011, 12:37:42 am »

Hack her account and post uglypictues and say they are her latest and greatest works of art!. I'm super tired, what ever shall I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #59 on:** August 03, 2011, 01:24:14 am »

^ Let someone hit you in the head with a 2x4.

V I'm hoping to get either a promotion to full time, or get a second job here pretty soon.

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #60 on:** August 08, 2011, 07:23:48 pm »

Set a swarm of African Killer Bees on everyone else so your the only option.

Is there any easier way to brush up on your spanish other than reading?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #61 on:** August 08, 2011, 08:58:23 pm »

Drop into a mexican restrurant like taco bell and then copy every thing they say. I need a bath but the hot water is all used. Help me?

devyrae · « **Reply #62 on:** August 08, 2011, 09:08:51 pm »

Boil water on the stove and dump it on you.

Got a small cut but dont have bandaids.

rukavampireknight · « **Reply #63 on:** August 08, 2011, 11:04:25 pm »

Just leave it to heal on its own make sure you roll around in dirt and mud its a natural disinfectant.

My phone is dead what do i do?

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #64 on:** August 09, 2011, 12:36:18 pm »

Dump some red bull on it... red bull revitalizes and gives you wings, so why not have a live and epic cell?

A friend thing called me up drunk on skype yelling about smex... what should I do?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #65 on:** August 09, 2011, 10:42:23 pm »

Tell them you have a hot friend then bring your grandma over and give her a bottle of tequila and some tassles. I'm having trouble focusing, what should I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #66 on:** August 10, 2011, 01:07:00 am »

^ Play with the shiny thing over there.

V I love the fishes 'cuz they're so delicious.

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #67 on:** August 10, 2011, 07:49:28 pm »

Is that an problem?
EAT THEM UNTIL YOU EXPLODE!

I have an addiction to bangles

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #68 on:** August 10, 2011, 10:26:28 pm »

^ Thank the good god Haruhi that you don't love the Cincinnati Bengals and make me a sammich.

V It's time to go to work...

Black~Rose · « **Reply #69 on:** August 11, 2011, 07:25:59 am »

^ Set all your clocks an hour back so that you have an hour before its time to go to work again.

V So tired X_X

@random · « **Reply #70 on:** August 11, 2011, 08:00:28 am »

^ Drink half a dozen Starbucks triple shots in an hour... you'll either be wide awake, or you'll have a perfect excuse to stay home when you start having heart palpitations.

V Less than a month to go, how do I lose this extra 20 pounds?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #71 on:** August 11, 2011, 01:30:01 pm »

^ Stop eating

V College is frustrating me and I'm afraid that everyone will take up all the class slots before I have a chance to even be allowed sign up ><

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #72 on:** August 11, 2011, 01:32:46 pm »

^easy kill all your compition

V Nightmares suck what do I do

Black~Rose · « **Reply #73 on:** August 11, 2011, 01:54:02 pm »

^ Watch a marathon of horror movies then take a sleeping pill.

V I eat too many blueberries

lychee-twist · « **Reply #74 on:** August 11, 2011, 04:17:18 pm »

Vomit them up and then make a pie out of them. (please don't)

I burnt my fingers on my oven.

What should I do?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #75 on:** August 11, 2011, 08:56:29 pm »

^ Put more fire on em, burn em enough and you wont feel anything.

V I ate too much x_x

rukavampireknight · « **Reply #76 on:** August 11, 2011, 10:06:35 pm »

^ Continue to eat more untill you explode then you won't have ate too much.
v My hair is stick straight and won't hold a single curl how do I make my hair curly, wavy for my Ruka cosplay?

Chan_Highwind · « **Reply #77 on:** August 12, 2011, 03:35:35 pm »

When you get out of the shower, stick a fork in an electric socket.

Co worker can't count their till, what should I do?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #78 on:** August 12, 2011, 05:17:43 pm »

Bash them in the head with the till and make them count how many times you hit them with it till they know how to count.

Headache!!!

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #79 on:** August 12, 2011, 05:46:47 pm »

^ I can throw rocks at your head...

V What I want for my birthday is the utter complete destruction of World of Warcraft.

Black~Rose · « **Reply #80 on:** August 13, 2011, 12:45:55 am »

^ Enlist an army of people with the same wish (like me) creating an army that will attack the company and make a deal - Their life will be spared on the condition that WOW is shut down for good and all copies currently owned, previously owned, and new are destroyed in a big pile.

V Just had pizza and I want chocolate milk but thats way too much dairy for me ><

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #81 on:** August 13, 2011, 01:26:11 am »

^eat it anyways. a deal with the pain becuse milk is good and thats why call it the toilet
Trying to blow up the world what is a good way?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #82 on:** August 13, 2011, 08:36:40 am »

I don't know, but you should ask the government! They know lots of good ways to blow up the earth!

I lost my wigcap, and is currently using a stocking that I found but it's too tight for my head

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #83 on:** August 13, 2011, 05:23:46 pm »

^ Get your head shrunken by a witch docter and it'll fit just fine.

I NEED SUGAR!!!

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #84 on:** August 14, 2011, 12:20:46 am »

Drink 10 rockstars and eat a bag of sugar then run in circles.. I have too many maga to read right now! What to do?

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #85 on:** August 14, 2011, 12:23:26 am »

Burn all except one no problems anymore then :3

Super mad at my ciel hat because it keeps sliding off what do I do?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #86 on:** August 14, 2011, 12:25:37 am »

Sew it to your scalp!. All my new manga are burnt up? What now?

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #87 on:** August 14, 2011, 12:33:40 am »

Give a anime dvd to the gods as a ritual sacrifice to get them back.

My dress is hard to walk in what do I do?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #88 on:** August 14, 2011, 12:36:07 am »

Go naked

I want to go to bed but instead I am posting here

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #89 on:** August 14, 2011, 12:37:33 am »

Rip your comp out of the wall and stomp on it, or in a simalar case with cellphones throw it on the ground and stomp on it

My cat is lazy

@random · « **Reply #90 on:** August 14, 2011, 02:27:30 am »

A high dose of amphetamines ought to perk him right up.

My sleep schedule is seven kinds of messed-up, what do I do?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #91 on:** August 14, 2011, 11:28:05 am »

Drink ten cases of espresso and never sleep again.

Speciality fabric is too expensive!

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #92 on:** August 14, 2011, 12:01:58 pm »

Get the amount of fabric you need, quickly sew up what you want to make and walk out with it on with out paying. If they ask say you walked in wearing it

Every time we have a show the house is mess...and now I have to help clean up

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #93 on:** August 14, 2011, 05:15:00 pm »

^ buy your self some servants and make them do it while you eat pizza and relax

I ended up being way to nice and then a jerk... Now people call me a troll what do i do

rukavampireknight · « **Reply #94 on:** August 14, 2011, 07:59:31 pm »

Well since they call you a troll act like it, get a huge wooden club and start smashing people with it.

I want to get vampire fangs but all the normal costume kind fangs are to big for my teeth what do i do?

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #95 on:** August 14, 2011, 08:04:11 pm »

Shave your teeth into vampire things after all it can't hurt that bad

I have been called cute what do I do?

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #96 on:** August 14, 2011, 08:15:48 pm »

^ tell them that your ugly and their cuter ?

I ended up being punched in the face by two 5 year olds and now i have a black eyes what do i do

DancingTofu · « **Reply #97 on:** August 15, 2011, 12:37:24 am »

Punch them back and plead self-defense.

I'm bored and on the internet, how do I solve this?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #98 on:** August 15, 2011, 10:13:24 am »

^ pr0n.

V I've got something stuck in between my teeth that doesn't want to come out.

@random · « **Reply #99 on:** August 15, 2011, 12:43:41 pm »

^ Stop... hammer time! Put on some goofy looking shiny parachute pants, get a large heavy object, and you can take care of the problem permanently.

(Am I showing my age again?)

V I'm really thirsty, but nothing in the apartment sounds enticing. Ideas?

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #100 on:** August 15, 2011, 01:56:13 pm »

^ go servial and drink your own pee

< my hair is on fire what do i do

@random · « **Reply #101 on:** August 15, 2011, 03:34:53 pm »

^ Keep using the terrible advice thread for solutions, 'cause drying your hair by sticking your head in the oven is a great idea.

V 19 days left, how do I make the time go slower so there's enough time to have everything ready?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #102 on:** August 16, 2011, 02:12:06 am »

Break into your neighbors apartment i'm sure they have the good stuff^^. My neck is sore, what will fix it?

DancingTofu · « **Reply #103 on:** August 16, 2011, 07:50:07 am »

Just take every pill you encounter until the problem goes away.

Nothing's wrong with my life right now. Any solutions?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #104 on:** August 16, 2011, 09:12:35 am »

Wow life must be boring, GO DO SOMETHING FUN AND ILLEGAL MOST LIKELY INVOLVING FIRE, POTATOES AND MAYBE WEARING A FRILLY DRESS!

I think I maybe going crazy from stress
what to do?

rukavampireknight · « **Reply #105 on:** August 16, 2011, 10:21:08 am »

Print out one of those bang head here signs. Put the sign on a hard wall proceed to bang head on the sign on the wall. This is a great stress releave your stress plus it gives you a wonderful head ache.

I'm worried I am going to miss lots of fun events because I can't go to the first day of con.

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #106 on:** August 16, 2011, 04:29:39 pm »

^ dont worrie and make the blow the con up event

< ended up relizeing everyone who bought tings from me want to meet at the con o.o and thats alot of stuff for one person to carried what should i do

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #107 on:** August 16, 2011, 08:09:26 pm »

^ Force the first person who wanted to buy something to be your slave and carry everything to have in a wheelbarrow.

v I want to go to the entire convention, but I may only be able to make it for a single day. What should I do?

DancingTofu · « **Reply #108 on:** August 17, 2011, 07:43:36 am »

Get a day badge, and just write "+Sunday, +Monday" on it. I'm sure the yoji will understand your predicament.

It's 8am and there's a meetup on the other side of town at 1pm. Haven't slept yet. Wat do?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #109 on:** August 17, 2011, 09:49:23 am »

DRINK 20 ENERGRY DRINKS!!!! Then rush off to the Hospital for your liver's sake.

I'm not talking to my friend anymore and I want to hit her, but I am too lazy to get out of my chair.

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #110 on:** August 17, 2011, 10:29:29 pm »

^ Hire a hitman.

V I've got a giant pimple-thing on my neck, just under my left ear.

Black~Rose · « **Reply #111 on:** August 18, 2011, 09:46:27 am »

Tattoo flower petals around it.

My allergies are flaring up x_x

DancingTofu · « **Reply #112 on:** August 19, 2011, 02:25:45 am »

Live in a bubble

The LoL servers are down until 9am. How can I entertain myself in the mean time?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #113 on:** August 20, 2011, 01:20:03 pm »

Start sewing little outfits to dress your cat in and hope it doesn't kill you when you put them on.

My cat won't shut up!

rukavampireknight · « **Reply #114 on:** August 20, 2011, 01:23:17 pm »

Duck tap it's mouth shut.

I need to find a drink thats looks like blood and tastes good that does not contain alcohol any ideas?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #115 on:** August 20, 2011, 01:26:20 pm »

^ Rob a blood bank and drink the real thing.

I've been getting really poor sleep lately from having to listen to the a/c buzzing all night, but if I turn it off, it's too hot! What should I do?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #116 on:** August 23, 2011, 10:03:32 am »

Smack her with a long stick cover with thorns. I have a blister on my finger, what to so?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #117 on:** August 23, 2011, 11:53:26 am »

CUT YOUR FINGER OFF WITH A DULL RUSTY KNIFE AND OFFER IT UP TO GOD!!!! the god of Silent Hill

I'm hungry

Prinz Eugen · « **Reply #118 on:** August 24, 2011, 01:49:33 am »

HOME TIP FROM 1932: (No kidding:)
Add DDT to your floor wax to knock those bugs DEAD as soon asn they crawl into the house.

And now:
If you want to clean and fumigate at the same time, mix equal quantities of bleach and ammonia in your mop bucket.
X-P

(irl: Don't Do this., please!!)

Venusgate · « **Reply #119 on:** August 24, 2011, 04:21:25 am »

Quote from: Wrath-Chan19 on August 23, 2011, 11:53:26 am

I'm hungry

^
Think about snacks and go grocery shopping right now!

< My feet hurt whenever I goto work

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #120 on:** August 24, 2011, 08:20:28 am »

Crawl around on your hands and knees all day

. I got a bug bite, it hurts, help me?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #121 on:** August 24, 2011, 11:57:48 am »

Hunt that bug that bit you to the end of the earth and kill his whole family and then break his wings so he shall know what it's like to feel pain

I'm addicted to this remix of "The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku"

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #122 on:** August 24, 2011, 10:26:52 pm »

^ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ5TajZYW6Y

V I'm nervous about my interview tomorrow afternoon.

Venusgate · « **Reply #123 on:** August 25, 2011, 12:37:30 am »

^ If you sleep, you'll forget your appointment. Stay up all night watching cartoons!

\/ I'm getting addicted to Deus Ex. What do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #124 on:** August 25, 2011, 01:30:19 am »

^ Stay home during the con.

V I wanna sleep...

toonafeesh · « **Reply #125 on:** August 26, 2011, 01:36:42 am »

In order to do that, you must stay awake for the next 7 days, surviving off of Coffee, Mountain Dew and LOTS of sugar. Then if that doesn't work, watch hours, and hours and hours of political ads.

I have a sore throat, what should I do?

DancingTofu · « **Reply #126 on:** August 26, 2011, 07:55:43 am »

Shot glasses and pharmaceutical anesthetics. What could possibly go wrong?

I once again lack anything to complain about. How can I make my life less ideal?

SirenMarina · « **Reply #127 on:** August 26, 2011, 01:18:03 pm »

go to college, gain your masters, become a doctor, live a long happy life....CURE THE COMMON COLD.

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #128 on:** August 26, 2011, 01:55:06 pm »

^ ...I'm not sure what to respond to.

V ...I'm not sure what to respond to.

@random · « **Reply #129 on:** August 26, 2011, 02:01:48 pm »

^ Make up your own question and type a 1000-word essay in response, peppering it with words like <beep> and <beeeeeep> and even <beep><beep>ing <beep>errific <beep><beep>er.

V My AC is acting really weird, but there's only a month or so left of warm weather. What should I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #130 on:** August 26, 2011, 02:05:58 pm »

^ Move to the Yukon Territory. I hear some of their gold mines are still active...

< I know this normally doesn't belong here, but now I'm thinking that this was a good recommendation, for me...

V I'm debating on whether or not I want to go to the Yukon next Summer.

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #131 on:** August 27, 2011, 03:26:58 pm »

Ehh you don't need to think about it no, just wait til next june to decide!. I got a deep cut on my foot and con is in a week, help?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #132 on:** August 27, 2011, 08:22:51 pm »

Well you can't change what happened so make the cut deeper

I have a crazy sweet tooth

Venusgate · « **Reply #133 on:** August 27, 2011, 11:32:45 pm »

^Don't think about cookies. Or cake. Or chocolate. Or Ice cream. Or cinnamon rolls.

v I've been procrastinating sending out resumes until I get my scooter fixed - but the scooter is taking forever. What should I do?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #134 on:** August 28, 2011, 12:41:52 am »

Then fix it yourself

The problem is the sweets I'm addicted to is Caramel and it's getting stuck in my teeth

Venusgate · « **Reply #135 on:** August 28, 2011, 02:17:02 am »

Quote from: Wrath-Chan19 on August 28, 2011, 12:41:52 am

Then fix it yourself

Awww.... that's what i've been doing :<

Anyway, Buy two sets of dentures. Caramel and non-caramel.

v I have an irrational psychosis around babies...

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #136 on:** August 29, 2011, 11:32:00 am »

^Get a pet alligator, guaranteed to ward off all babies.

I have several fabulous cosplays, but I can only wear one at a time.

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #137 on:** August 29, 2011, 11:42:04 am »

Have you ever heard of wearing layers? every time I go on a school trip they tell us to wear them.

mom is really upset

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #138 on:** August 29, 2011, 11:43:27 am »

Give her a cookie...THEN TAKE IT AWAY AND LAUGH! (Hey, it's supposed to be bad advice, right?)

I can't decide which K-Con events to go to, plus some of the really cool ones overlap with other really cool ones, so I can't go to both. What do I do?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #139 on:** August 29, 2011, 12:23:17 pm »

Just go to my Sailor Moon Panel and you're good!

My dad is watching Bride of Frankenstein for the 4th time already!!!

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #140 on:** September 01, 2011, 12:19:44 pm »

^ had it and never let him see it agian

< had the dule side of a needle go between my toe nail and under the quitcal o.o still bleeding and the doctor said it was fine what should i do

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #141 on:** September 01, 2011, 02:29:14 pm »

^ Push the needle in further so that the doctor will be wrong.

V I have a habit of chewing on my pens.

backtoblue · « **Reply #142 on:** September 01, 2011, 02:42:07 pm »

^Have you considered it's cause you're hungry? I heard pen ink is a good source of protein. drink up!

v My head feels like it's about to explode! My sinus' are all clogged up

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #143 on:** September 01, 2011, 03:23:17 pm »

^ Try jamming a pair of knitting needles up your nose. One per nostril ought to do the trick.

v AAAHHHH THE CON IS TOMORROW AND I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO DOOOOOO!!!

backtoblue · « **Reply #144 on:** September 01, 2011, 03:24:30 pm »

^.....keep calm and call The Doctor.(Not bad advice, but it was the first thing that came to mind)

V I need a life.

Venusgate · « **Reply #145 on:** September 01, 2011, 03:36:01 pm »

^Start asking strangers if you can have/borrow theirs.

v My room is a mess right before con. too many fragile things im trying not to step on. How to get moar space?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #146 on:** September 01, 2011, 07:46:38 pm »

^ Grab a sledgehammer and start knocking down walls and kicking out the people who live in the adjacent rooms.

v I want cookies, but I'm too lazy to go buy or make them.

lychee-twist · « **Reply #147 on:** September 02, 2011, 02:14:23 am »

^Paint the nearest fuzzy animal light tan with brown blotches. Enjoy your new chocolate chip cookie.
< I have a lot to do and not a lot of time for the con. What should I do?

toonafeesh · « **Reply #148 on:** September 02, 2011, 03:16:56 am »

^ get off your lazy butt, make some popcorn, sit down, and watch hours and hours of ridiculous animes.

< I can't sleep...WHAT DO I DO?!

lychee-twist · « **Reply #149 on:** September 02, 2011, 04:26:58 am »

^Toona, this is the TERRIBLE advice thread. That's good advice. We don't need that here

Actually, I've got an anime radio station on at the moment. My web is awful in my room. Stupid Verizon internet and terrible router/modem combo.

^ Since you're giving me good advice, I'll give you good advice. Put a folded up t-shirt over your eyes so any and all light is blocked. Works for me

That's why I have a face mask when I sleep.

GOOD ADVICE FOR COSPLAYERS: Got interfacing gunk all over your iron? Take a dryer sheet and iron that. It gets the gunk right off. It's AMAZING.

< I gunked up my iron with interfacing stuff. What would YOU suggest?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #150 on:** September 02, 2011, 08:55:11 am »

^ By a second iron, then turn both on and press them together so the resulting heat burns the gunk off of both. Great fix with only a medium-ish fire hazard!

< Argh, I'm depressed because I'm having a hard time with my schedule and it looks as though I may only be able to go one day. What should I do to make myself feel better?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #151 on:** September 02, 2011, 09:15:46 am »

^ KILL

< MY CHINA WON'T REPLY TO ME AMERICA'S WORRIED!

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #152 on:** September 02, 2011, 10:34:57 am »

^ GO COMPLAIN TO GERMANY.

v I missed check-in today since I didn't know it was allowed, so now I'll still have to cue up to get in on Sat. What should I do if the line is too slow?

toonafeesh · « **Reply #153 on:** September 02, 2011, 12:08:20 pm »

Quote from: lychee-twist on September 02, 2011, 04:26:58 am

Got interfacing gunk all over your iron? Take a dryer sheet and iron that. It gets the gunk right off. It's AMAZING.

Haha that happened to my straightening iron when I was doing my Yuna sleeves. O.O yeah, not fun.

^You should go over to everyone, and scream the llama song in their ears.

< OH NO! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY THE ALL MIGHT SEXY GERMANY!?! WHAT DO I DO TO RESIST?

lover-of-the-pepsi · « **Reply #154 on:** September 02, 2011, 08:01:46 pm »

put handcuffs on yourself for less wind resistence as you "run away" and yell dirty innuendos to distract him if he catches you

my dog ate my wig for kcon today. i am now out a wig for my genderbent dr. stein costume and 40 bucks for my dog's stomach ache. what should i do?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #155 on:** September 03, 2011, 07:51:50 pm »

^Wear your dog instead of the wig, obviously.

I have trouble remembering to stay hydrated at the con...

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #156 on:** September 06, 2011, 07:03:30 pm »

^ Drink from the fish fountain in the park!

< Drunk guys think my mario costume is from Team Fortress 2!

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #157 on:** September 07, 2011, 12:42:11 pm »

^Dress as a spy disguised as Mario so you'll both be right. (hey, was that actually good advice? Maybe...)

Kumoricon is over and I want next year's con to come sooner!

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #158 on:** September 07, 2011, 02:07:56 pm »

/\ Take ALL THE PILLS and hibernate until Sakuracon!

< How do I make my Mario costume different each day without buying new overalls?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #159 on:** September 10, 2011, 07:09:04 pm »

^Just buy a bunch of Mario plushies and carry them around and just point to the one you're currently 'cosplaying'. (You: "See? I'm Fire Mario right now!*points*" Peep: "Wow, you're so right!")

< I keep staying up late watching movies, but since I have to get up early I'm tired all day...What should I do?

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #160 on:** September 10, 2011, 07:44:50 pm »

^ Drink coffee.

V So, after shaving myself for the Neptune costume, my hairs are starting to grow back, and my pits itch!

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #161 on:** September 10, 2011, 09:47:16 pm »

/\ Full submersion NAIR TUB!

< My electric fans can blow cold air from the air conditioner to every room but my bedroom. How do I sleep?

@random · « **Reply #162 on:** September 10, 2011, 10:33:12 pm »

^ A full-submersion ice tub!

(My own terrible advice from yesterday - after giving blood, decide half an hour later that you don't really need the pressure bandage they gave you, then shake your hands vigorously after washing them.)

V One of my favorite manga is wrapping up in a way that's just TOO sad. What should I do?

RozenMaiden_Girl · « **Reply #163 on:** September 11, 2011, 12:18:43 am »

^ Dont read the last two chapters... Then read the hole thing over again..... And repeat. Never read the last chapters.

< I have a really bad headache on the right side of my head.... My eye hurts to.

Washougal_Otaku · « **Reply #164 on:** September 12, 2011, 06:07:55 pm »

^ Start kicking yourself in the head on the left side.

V I'm bored...

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #165 on:** September 13, 2011, 01:16:10 pm »

/\ Do a google image search for your middle name.

< How can I find out who all the pieces ACTUALLY were in cosplay chess this year?

HalcyonFour · « **Reply #166 on:** September 13, 2011, 04:02:59 pm »

That's easy! Kidnap Beau Gentry, force him to hack into the Kumoricon registry system, copy everyone's address, and write them snail mail letters asking them if they were involved in cosplay chess! If they don't respond to your letters, send them multiple letters threatening them.

How can I stop procrastinating?!

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #167 on:** September 13, 2011, 06:50:55 pm »

^ I don't know, ask me later.

< I'm being hunted by ninjas! AAAAAAH!

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #168 on:** September 13, 2011, 08:45:53 pm »

^ Ninjas can't catch you, if you're on fire!

< How can I goof around online and read the fansubs on my tv at the same time?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #169 on:** September 14, 2011, 10:58:52 pm »

Train yourself to point your eyes in different directions at the same time like a chameleon. Garunteed to give you color change powers as well! (You'l at least go blue from trying...)

I love working with fleece fabrice since broadcloth is so unforgiving, but all the cosplays I want to do are formal suits. What should I do?

RozenMaiden_Girl · « **Reply #170 on:** September 14, 2011, 11:07:58 pm »

^ Easy! Make the suit top out a fleace, stuff it with card bord so it looks strait, and use PJs pants for the suit pants.

< I want to take over the world, how should I do it?

Jacob_Blackfeather · « **Reply #171 on:** September 14, 2011, 11:12:26 pm »

^start in japan that always works in risk (not <.<))

<I want to be totally awesome what do I do?

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #172 on:** September 14, 2011, 11:55:06 pm »

/\ East a whole box of Pocky in one mouthful and post a picture of it all over the internet!

How do I get the players from my rpg to reply to my emails in a timely manner?

TalaRedWolf33 · « **Reply #173 on:** September 15, 2011, 08:08:02 am »

^ Simple! Just attach a picture of billy mayes naked, and put SMEXY PORN in the subject line. >my mom wants me to move back home, but i dont want to. What should i do?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #174 on:** September 15, 2011, 01:29:42 pm »

^Tell her you have been kidnapped and are currently unavailable to move back in
V Found a kitty that looks like one on the lost poster but the people arent calling back or answering =[ and she looks preggers

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #175 on:** September 15, 2011, 09:46:03 pm »

Put the kitty in your washer, wrap her tail around the agitator, disconnect the water and put it on spin! The centripetal force will keep the babies up in her tummy until they answer.

I need to download new anime onto my external drive AND transfer files off of it at the same time! How do I do both processes without losing speed?

HalcyonFour · « **Reply #176 on:** September 16, 2011, 03:49:06 pm »

^ Pour water on your external hard drive while it's processing the data. This will make the electrons go faster.

V What outfit should I buy next?

Ritsu-chan · « **Reply #177 on:** September 16, 2011, 08:21:14 pm »

A llama suit~ make it pink^^

I want mongolian bbq but i'm broke, help my tummy!?!

TalaRedWolf33 · « **Reply #178 on:** September 16, 2011, 08:42:09 pm »

^ Well, first, you need to get to the place. So! Tie yourself to the bus and go out to the farm, where they have those huge full grown cows. Then, jump on its back and bite into its neck; this will sever its spine from the rest of its body, allowing you to eat through its stomach with no pain to it.

I dyed my hair today, and it dripped and stained my neck. How do I get it off?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #179 on:** September 17, 2011, 08:19:29 am »

^ Put more dye on and hope it works like a dry erase board.

((try Shampoo or dish soap (thats actually good advice) )) ><

v I need elf ears!

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #180 on:** September 20, 2011, 11:00:37 am »

^ Go on a quest and find some elves, then kill them all and steal theirs.

< My shoes hurt my feet, but I'm too cheap to buy new ones. How can I make the olds ones more comfy?

otakunobody · « **Reply #181 on:** September 21, 2011, 06:33:56 pm »

^ Drive a couple of long nails through the bottoms of your shoes

V What should I do to cure my boredom?

TomtheFanboy · « **Reply #182 on:** September 21, 2011, 07:10:22 pm »

/\ Get in trouble in another game thread.

I've got some creative writing to do and I need advice on describing an office, a maintenance shed, and a library.

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #183 on:** September 21, 2011, 07:59:11 pm »

Interpretive dance always works

I have school for the next 9 months, how do I survive?

HalcyonFour · « **Reply #184 on:** September 21, 2011, 08:44:10 pm »

^ Find a cute half-demon to spend all your time with, then get a family member to cover for you by telling your friends and teachers that you are "sick".

V Avatar: Anime or Regular cartoon? How can I decide?

TalaRedWolf33 · « **Reply #185 on:** September 21, 2011, 08:52:15 pm »

Go find a cosplayer of each and line them up along the wall. Then blindfold yourself and throw a dart. Which ever one you hit is your new avatar. My ex is dating a whore, how do i get rid of her?

Black~Rose · « **Reply #186 on:** September 21, 2011, 09:48:51 pm »

^ Push her in front of a bus... worked in Mean Girls right? XD

V My boyfriend keeps forgetting to shave his freaking beard... How do I get him to remember?

Lady In Red · « **Reply #187 on:** September 21, 2011, 10:43:24 pm »

Tape razors to his hands.

Problem:

I have 6 pages of math homework, how can I get it done?

TheArtNinja · « **Reply #188 on:** September 21, 2011, 10:59:27 pm »

^ Try turning it on a spit over a slow fire.

V My back hurts from being on my feet all day...

reppy · « **Reply #189 on:** September 22, 2011, 03:06:05 pm »

^ Get rid of your feet.

V I'm having trouble resisting the junk food in this house.

kittyhumaniod · « **Reply #190 on:** September 22, 2011, 03:43:57 pm »

^Burn down the house.

<I have to right a poem, what should it be about?

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #191 on:** September 22, 2011, 03:44:30 pm »

How much you love your teacher

My sewing machine is too heavy and I have to take it to class once a week

Lady In Red · « **Reply #192 on:** September 22, 2011, 08:44:47 pm »

Take off the bottom, and put wheels on it, then rip off the part that holds the thread and attach a handle. and thus, a moving sewing machine.

Problem:

There is a spider in my bathtub, and I"m too scared to go in there and kill it. Help.

HalcyonFour · « **Reply #193 on:** September 22, 2011, 11:36:03 pm »

^ Politely ask it to move.

V I really want to get a good juicer, but I don't want to fork over the 230 bucks. What do I do?

reppy · « **Reply #194 on:** September 23, 2011, 12:21:37 am »

^ Find a garbage disposal. Drill a hole in the side of one of the pipes. Turn on, drop in fruit, collect juice.

I don't want to get out of bed tomorrow. I can already tell.

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #195 on:** September 23, 2011, 10:09:23 am »

Strap a time bomb to your bed as an alarm clock

I'm too sleepy to come up with a problem

Raveen92 · « **Reply #196 on:** September 23, 2011, 10:17:12 pm »

First you get a Bananna and. . . .

I want all my dream cosplays to be done

otakunobody · « **Reply #197 on:** September 25, 2011, 06:06:31 pm »

Procrastinate and keep putting off ever working on them

I need to put together a Draco costume for a panel

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #198 on:** September 25, 2011, 07:00:13 pm »

Slik you hair back and wear nouthing but boxers

I plotting agianst those who Dislike me what should i plot

Lady In Red · « **Reply #199 on:** September 25, 2011, 10:23:49 pm »

This plan will take months. every day, sneak into their house and steal something of vital importance, and prevent them from buying or replacing it. Do this until all personal/ important items are gone, then replace them all, day by day, with strange words on them and paint them odd colors, and fill their shoes full of bananas. Then, take all of their closet and bathroom doors, and replace them with bead curtains, each of them the same patter. Switch all of their lights to backlights and bulbs that use too much electricity- then they will pay more for their electricity bill.

I have a tooth ache, what should I do?

News:

Author Topic: The Terrible Advice Thread! (Read 115231 times)