Did you try tear gas? That was the best thing I ever had for getting rid of a cold. Long short story is I went on a National Guard event at Camp Rilea north of Seaside back in high school. We were out playing war games, and I got the signal to don gas masks, but maybe just a hair late. Well, we had our masks on for a couple of hours, and then we were allowed to remove them. Well that first breath of fresh air, just made me REALLY want to sneeze. I did. I got a double handful of snot, and the cold I was getting was gone. Just absolutely GONE!
Funny though, I haven't tried to get gassed ever again however.